i i realise i always come here to blog when im emo. maybe cause i don't have anyone to talk to.
i think im an enigma.
i don't really know myself sometimes or know what i want. i don't know who or what i am.
and that's sad.
i feel like crying right now. but the tears can't seem to fall. i feel that surge of tears coming out of me and reaching the brim of my eyes but it just won't flow out.
i'm feeling so much emotions now yet i can't seem to find a way to release them.
release,
perhaps that's the word that i've been looking for.
i need release from the betrayal from M. i think it's been 3 years. i can't get over her lies. her fake personality. i don't understgand why anyone else can't see it. maybe they do but choose to ignore it. that two faced bh. (ok bad word) but lies. lies and lies. i want to let that go

i need release from J. i need to let myself stop believing it was my fault. cause i know it wasn't. i didn't ruin it, i didn't cheat. yet i apologised at the end of it and he didn't. i need to let go. and i wish he would stop contacting me to help me let go of the anger. i want to let that go

i need release from myself. to know that it's ok to be alone. i need to get out of this complex complex that ive vreated for myself. i want to let go.

i'm 21.
Dear God. help me.
let go.