i look in the mirror and i suddenly realised
the person reflected in there.
is hardly the one i once knew.
whatever happened to me
bright and cheery
sunny and full of laughter
an air of smiles
a cheerful disposition.
a barrier to harm
from coming near me.
but now
to hell with it all.
in the mirror i see it all.
selfish.
mean.
unloving to all.
thats me.
i see.
unable to trust.
thus
leading to my inability
to love
to understand.
GOD has the ability to change
'He changes the times and the seasons.'
Daniel 2:21
but how can GOD change me
when my heart is so far from him



'you never did knew how to comfort me'
do u remmeber saying that to me
its only part of one of our many conversations
that remain etched in my memory
i may not be the perfect friend
i'm happy that u are
willing to tolerate me
like i said to u
i'll listen more.
learn more.
feel more.
understand more.
tell more
share more.
i'm afraid to trust.
i tell u the most things.
my life even to myself is such a facade.
i must learn to trust more.
to understand others.
to be more selfless.
thats what i'll do.
i'll try
i promise.
please give me
one more try.



'u and me are alike.we're always tired. the difference is that i'm tired because i work and i have to do alot of stuff. u on the otherhand do nothing but laze. u're lazy, and u don't study. neither do u care bout how i feel.'
thanks mom.
i'll forever remember what u said to me.
i am lazy.
the countless nights
i've studied till dawn
the effort i put in to be good.
not to lie
to tell u how i feel.
to ask about u're day.
maybe u are right.
i'm too selfish.
too self centred for my own good.
my existence is only u're bane.
my life makes u insane
a little less of me woould take away u're pain.
thanks.
for being such a great mom.
but too bad.
u have a lousy kid.



to u.
u lighted up my life.
i'm sorry to always disappoint you.
perhaps i'm not good enough for u.
we don't argue.
but the awkward silence
always causes me to think.
seriously
i know its my fault.
i'm not transparent enough
i'm trying
i don't have the ability to trust
thats me.
i don't trust anyone fully.
but i'm trying to.
its just that i've been hurt too many times.
i;m sorry
really.
























































































































































































if i could have a choice
i would choose not to exist.





































now i'm done.i'm happy again.


happy birthday christian.
and chris cheng
cheer up jeremy
i love u tammy.
u make me smile darren
thank you , hansen and felix and mervin for being aware of my existence