funny.
i don't really know what i'm feeling now.

maybe its the sense of being out of place.

i do somuch want to find somewhere else to go to.

i need somewhere else. staying here is just wrong.


i don't feel belonged. maybe. if i stayed i just have to learn to numb my feelings then.

ya. maybe it should be this way.cause sometimes. i'm just so lost.i don't know myself any longer i guess. not don't know. maybe the correct word is. lost. lost the real feeling of happiness. lost it all. cause i realise seriously.


no one cares bout how i feel. really.


i can be there for them one day when they're sad and the next day when their gonna hve fun. gonna have a party. gonna go out. gonna play. gonna be happy.


amelia is forgotten. till what. some crisis comes about.

then its where is amelia.ha. its funny when u think bout it.

really.cause i'm actually unsignificant and well. invisible.




i realised someting that a friend said to me yesterday i care too much bout how others feel i focus on how to please them how to make them smile that i end up being made use of treated without respect, taken for granted and used as an object of venting for anger. i no longer smile for myself. i'm unable to relate any real sadness.

don't anyone notice. amelia is always happy. even if she gets angry or sad. its only for a brief moment. then the smile reappears.

really waht the hell is wrong with me.

huh i want to cry now but i can't . why. i don't know.

its no one's fault that i'm like that now. no one's fault


but mine i can only say

-amelia